Serious cookery recommendation; but not very funny.

Dear Lee and Karlski,

What's the best way to make scrambled eggs?

Love,
Egg-cited in Estonia

Dear Egg-cited,

The best way to make scrambled eggs is to first break the eggs into a decent-sized mixing bowl, then mix them vigorously with a fork, egg whisk or, if you must, your penis. Once the mixture is suitably frothy, mix in some finely-sliced smoked salmon and chives. Pour that mixture into your frypan, and possibly add some bacon (I advise against the bacon; the overpowering flavour will drown out the delicate deliciousness of the smoked salmon). Make sure your eggs do not stick to the pan. Serve on wholegrain toast with full-fat butter.

- Karlski.